Season 1&2 Welcome to the Hellmouth
"Cause it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, ooo?"
-Buffy
"I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just not gonna get way extracurricular with it."
-Buffy
"This..... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds."
-Buffy speaking about meeting Angel
The Harvest
"Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a talk with vampires in it."
-Xander
"And I, in the meantime, will help by standing around like an idiot."
-Xander
"I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because it's expensive, but because it costs more."
-Cordelia
"I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good."
-Xander
I'm inadequate. That's fine. I'm less than a man."
-Xander
The Witch
"Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes!"
-Willow
"Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?"
"Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?"
-Giles and Willow Teacher's Pet
Xander: "Oh, this is fun. We're on monster island."
Buffy: "No, no, I'm not saying she craned her neck. We're talking full-on Exorcist twist."
Buffy: "The vid library. I know it's not books, but it's still dark and musty; you'll be right at home."
Buffy: "Destructo-Girl, that's me."
Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
"If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and all those around you in grave danger."
"Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm the Slayer, ask me how!'"
-Giles and Buffy
"This is the 90's. The 1990's, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just wanna go on a date."
-Buffy
"Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show."
"Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm."
-Giles and Buffy
The Pack
"Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?"
"Uh-huh."
"And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?"
"Yes."
"And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles."
"It's bad, isn't it."
"It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Course, you'll have to kill him."
"Giles, I'm serious."
"So am I. Except for the part about killing him. Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons. He will, however, get over it."
-Giles and Buffy
"I suppose some girls might find him good looking... if they have eyes, alright, he's a honey..."
-Buffy speaking about Angel to Willow Angel
"Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl. I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath."
"It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick factor."
-Xander and Willow speaking to Buffy
"Y'know, hey, I don't know what everyone's talking about. That outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker!"
-Xander to Cordelia
"Cool, Crossbow! uh. Check out these babies. Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?"
-Buffy
"My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place! I... You don't even know what I was writing about! 'Hunk' can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your eyes are 'penetrating', I meant to write 'bulging'."
"Buffy..."
"And 'A' doesn't even stand for 'Angel' for that matter, it stands for... 'Achmed', a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all..."
"Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear."
"Oh! Oh."
-Buffy and Angel
"You're in love with a vampire?! What, are you outta your mind?!"
"What?!"
"Not vampire... How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!"
-Xander and Cordelia talking to Buffy
"So he is a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of one to ten, ten being someone who's killing and maiming every night, and one being someone who's... not."
-Willow, talking about Angel
"Wow! And it is kinda novel how he'll stay young and handsome forever, although you'll still get wrinkly and die, and... Oh, and what about the children? I'll be quiet now."
-Willow, talking to Buffy about Angel
I, Robot - You, Jane
"I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling."
"Your... spider sense?"
"Pop culture reference. Sorry."
-Buffy and Giles
"To read makes our speaking English good."
-Xander
The Puppet Show
"I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this!"
-Xander, talking about acting in the talent show
"Kids. I don't like them."
-Principal Snyder
"Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh..."
"There's something wrong with my hair? Ohmigod!" (Cordy quickly leaves)
"Xander was right. It worked like a charm."
-Giles and Cordelia
"A demon is a creature of evil, pure and very simple. A person driven to kill is, is, um, it's more complex."
"The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! It's not, though."
-Giles and Willow
Nightmares
"When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?"
"Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!"
"Still dug her, huh?"
"I'm sick, I need help."
"Don't I know it."
-Willow and Xander
Out of Mind, Out of Sight
"Oh, I don't know. Looking in the mirror everyday and seeing nothing there. It's an overrated pleasure."
-Angel
"That is such a twinkie defense. Shylock should get over himself. People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing."
-Cordelia
"A vampire in love with a Slayer! It's rather poetic! In a maudlin sort of way."
-Giles, talking about Angel and Buffy
Prophecy Girl
"Giles, care? I'm putting my life on the line battling the undead. Look, I broke a nail, okay? I'm wearing a press-on. The least you could do is exhibit some casual interest. You could go, 'hmm'."
-Buffy
"That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain."
-Xander
"When he wakes up tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it."
-Buffy, after she knocks out Giles
"Wow. That was boring."
"I don't feel that boring covers it."
"No, boring falls short."
"Even I was bored. And I'm a science nerd."
-Buffy, Xander, and Willow discussing biology
"You were looking at my neck."
"What?"
"You were checking out my neck! I saw that!"
"No, I wasn't!"
"Just keep your distance, pal."
"I wasn't looking at your neck!"
"I told you to eat before we left."
-Xander and Angel
"You're dead!"
"I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you."
"You were destined to die! It was written!"
"What can I say? I flunked the written."
-Master and Buffy
When She Was Bad
"Uh, our summer was kinda yawnworthy. Our biggest excitement was burying the Master."
"That's right, you missed it. Right out by that tree. Giles buried the bones and we poured holy water and we got to wear robes."
-Xander and Willow, talking to Buffy
"Well, what else do you wanna do? We already played rock, paper, scissors. My hands cramped up."
"Well, yes, if you're always scissors of course your tendons are gonna strain..."
-Xander and Willow
"Yo! G-man! What's up?"
"Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that."
-Xander and Giles
"Tsh! Tell me about it. The other night I dreamt that Xander... Uh, I-it wasn't Xander. I-in fact it wasn't me. It was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it."
-Willow talking about weird dreams to Xander and Buffy
"Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron."
-Buffy, talking to Cordelia
"Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second? There's no 'us'. Look, Angel, I'm sorry if I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't. I moved on. To the living."
-Buffy, being mean to Angel
"Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now."
-Cordelia telling Buffy to get over her bad attitude
"There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense."
"No, actually that would be one of the five."
-Snyder and Giles Some Assembly Required
"Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting."
"I know you meant to say gross and disturbing."
"Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it."
-Giles and Buffy
"W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um... and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you're amenable. You idiot!"
-Giles rehearsing to himself how to ask out Ms. Calendar
"Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the 'idiot' part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood."
-Buffy responding to Giles' rehearsal
"Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies."
-Buffy
"Love makes you do the wacky."
"What?"
"Crazy stuff."
"Oh. Crazy, like a two-hundred-and-forty-one-year-old being jealous of a high school junior?"
"Are you fessing up?"
"I've thought about it. Maybe it bothers me a little."
"I don't love Xander."
"Yeah, but he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. He gets to see you in the sunlight."
"I don't look that good in direct light."
"It'll be morning soon."
"I should probably go. I could walk you home."
-Buffy and Angel
School Hard
"Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. . . . I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move."
-Spike
"Our new friend Spike. He's known as 'William the Bloody'. Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Well, here's some good news: he's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel is."
-Giles
"I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who's brave and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm gonna sleep better knowing all that."
-Joyce
"La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi. Was it wrong? Should I use the plural?"
"No. But you said, 'The cow should touch me from Thursday.'"
"Maybe that's what I was feeling."
"And you said it wrong."
"Oh, je stink."
-Buffy and Willow, studying for French
Inca Mummy Girl
"I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?"
"The important thing is you believe that."
-Buffy and Xander
"It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake stuffed with a delightful creamy, white substance of goodness. . . . Good, huh? And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy... food feeling in your stomach."
-Xander, explaining a Twinkie to Ampata
Reptile Boy
"Well... Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?!"
-Willow lecturing Angel and Giles
"She's sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole... fish thing."
"Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor."
"Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal."
-Willow and Buffy, discussing the Hindu TV Movie they are watching
"Hmm. And we thought just because we didn't have any money or anyplace to go this would be a lackluster evening."
"I know! We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and ask for hot water."
"Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail."
-Xander and Willow
"You two are so right for each other. Except for the, uh..."
"Vampire thing."
"That doesn't make him a bad person. Necessarily."
"I'm brainsick. I can't have a relationship with him."
"Not during the day, but you could ask him for coffee some night. It's the non-relationship drink of choice. It's not a date, it's a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it's hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but..."
-Willow and Buffy, talking about Angel
Halloween
"Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood?"
-Xander giving out Trick-or-Treating tips
Lie to Me
"If Angel's doing somethin' wrong, I wanna know. 'Cause it gives me a happy!"
-Xander
"I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one."
"Could you not call me that?"
-Xander and Angel
"Okay, but do they really stick out?"
"What?"
"Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, 'Wow! That baby is sore!'"
"You have too many thoughts."
-Willow and Xander
"Does it ever get easy?"
"You mean life?"
"Yeah. Does it get easy?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"Lie to me."
"Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after."
"Liar."
-Buffy and Giles
The Dark Age
"Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades."
"He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.'"
-Xander and Buffy
"I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary. I'm so used to you being a grownup, and then I find out that you're a person."
"Most grownups are."
"Who would've thought?"
"Some are even, uh... shortsighted, foolish people."
"So, after all this time, we finally find out that we do have something in common. Which, apart from being a little weird, is kind of okay."
-Buffy and Giles
"Bay City Rollers. Now, that's music."
"I didn't hear that."
-Giles and Buffy
"Ooo, gang, did ya hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery, and it's my best day ever!"
-Xander
What's My Line (Part 1)
"No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. I just get messed sometimes. I wish we could be regular kids."
"Yeah. I'll never be a kid."
"Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend."
-Buffy and Angel
"I've been, uh, indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You would be amazed at how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were."
"Color me stunned."
-Giles and Buffy
"Yeah! They had tools, flashlights, whole nine yards. What does that mean anyway? 'Whole nine yards'? Nine yards of what? Now it's gonna bug me all day."
-Buffy
"What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark."
"You're not gonna be young forever."
"Yes, but I'll always be stupid. Okay, let's not all rush to disagree."
-Xander and Willow
"Don't warn the tadpoles!"
"Are you alright?"
"Giles, what are you doing here?"
"It's the library, Willow. You fell asleep."
"Oh! I..."
"'Don't warn the tadpoles?'"
"I... I have frog fear."
-Willow and Giles
What's My Line (Part 2)
"Get a load of the she-Giles."
"Creepy."
"Ew. I'll bet Giles wishes I was more of a book geek."
"Giles is enough of a book geek for the both of you."
-Buffy and Willow, talking about Kendra
"I had good reason to think you were. Did I not see you kissing a vampire?"
"Buffy would never do that! Oh. Except for that sometimes you do that. But only with Angel. Right?"
-Kendra and Willow
"I'd rather be worm food than look at your pathetic face!"
"Then go! I'm not stopping ya!"
"I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!"
"Not just any girl. You're special."
"I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on Earth here WITH YOU!"
"I hope these are my last few moments! Three more seconds with you, and I'm gonna..."
"I'm gonna what? Coward!"
"Moron!"
"I hate you!"
"I HATE YOU!"
-Cordelia and Xander, right before they start kissing
"I am the bug man, coo coo ka choo."
-Xander, after finding the Bugman in Giles' books
Ted
"If Buffy has to go to jail because of that creep I'm gonna lose it. He's gotta be in there, Will. Uh, history of domestic violence, a criminal record? Ooo! Cookies!"
-Xander
"Vampires are creeps."
"Yes, that's why one slays them."
-Buffy and Giles
"What's wrong with you?"
"I gave you a compliment."
"In front of your friends! They're gonna know!"
"Know what?"
"Please! It's too traumatic for me to even say it!"
"That we kissed?"
"Uhhh!"
"Look, I'm not gonna tell, they're not gonna know. Not your friends, not my friends. You wanna go to the utility closet and make out?"
"God! Is that all you ever think about? Okay."
-Cordelia and Xander Bad Eggs
"I suppose there is a sort of... Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression."
"I resent that! Or possibly thank you."
-Giles and Xander, after they find out Xander boiled his egg
"Don't you understand how important this is?"
"It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy."
"But I looked good in it."
"You looked like a streetwalker."
"But a thin streetwalker. That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?"
-Buffy and Joyce
"A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?"
"Saving the world from vampires?"
"I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head."
-Joyce and Buffy
"I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke."
-Buffy, when given an egg "baby" to take care of
"Can I just say Gyughhh!"
"I see your 'Gyughhh!' and raise you a Nyaghhh!"
-Xander and Buffy, after seeing what was really inside their eggs
"Oh, I told you, that faux parenting gig we're doing at school. Like I'm really planning to have kids anytime soon. Uh, maybe some day, in the future, when I'm done having a life, but... right now kids would be just a little too much to deal with."
"I wouldn't know. I don't... Well, you know, I, I can't."
"Oh. That's okay, um... I-I figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn't do. You know, like work for the Telephone Company, or volunteer for the Red Cross, or... have little vampires."
"So you don't think about the future?"
"No."
"Never?"
"No."
"You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?"
"Angel, when I look into the future, a-a... all I see is you! All I want is you."
"I know the feeling."
-Buffy and Angel Surprise
"Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?"
"I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas."
"See my point?"
-Angel and Buffy, after Buffy has a nightmare in which Angel is killed
"Oh, I don't know, though. I mean, he is a senior."
"You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial."
-Buffy and Willow
"I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting."
"Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes."
"Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?"
"Oh! I can't!"
"Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable."
"Oh, it's just it's Buffy's birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise party."
"It's okay."
"But you could come. If you want to."
"Well, I don't wanna crash."
"No, it's fine! Well, you could be m... my date."
"All right. I'm in."
"I said 'date'." (to herself)
-Oz and Willow
"This... thing with us, despite our better judgment, it keeps happening. Maybe we should just admit that we're dating."
"Groping in a broom closet isn't dating. You don't call it a date until the guy spends money."
"Fine. I'll spend, then we'll grope. Whatever. I just think it's some kind of whacked that we feel we have to hide it from all our friends."
"Well, of course you wanna tell everybody. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I, on the other hand, have everything to be ashamed of."
"You know what? 'Nuff said. Forget it. It must've been my multiple-personality guy talking. I call him Idiot Jed, glutton for punishment."
-Xander and Cordelia
"This is nice. I like seeing you first thing in the morning."
"It's bedtime for me."
"Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime. Um... Um, heh... Y-you know what I mean."
"I think so. What do you mean?"
"I like seeing you. The part at the end of the night where we say good-bye... It's getting harder."
"Yeah. It is."
-Buffy and Angel
"Is everything in order for the party?"
"Absolutely. You ready to get down, you funky party weasel?"
"Here comes Buffy. Now remember: discretion is the better part of valor."
"You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?"
-Giles and Xander
"If Drusilla is alive, i-i-it could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs. "Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'?"
"Go to class, Xander."
"Gone. Notice the economy of phrasing: 'gone.' Simple. Direct."
-Giles and Xander
"My people -- before I was changed -- they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty... and the heart... Well, you know... Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this."
-Angel, giving Buffy her birthday present
"Angel... I feel like I lost you... You're right, though. We can't be sure of anything."
"Shhh. I..."
"You what?"
"I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop."
"Me, me, too. I can't either."
"Buffy, maybe we shouldn't..."
"Don't. Just kiss me."
-Buffy and Angel
Innocence
"Ohhh. Oh, my God! I was freaking out! You just disappeared."
"What? I took off."
"But you didn't say anything. You just left."
"Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that."
"What?"
"You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night."
"What are you saying?"
"Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened."
"I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good?"
"You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro."
"How can you say this to me?"
"Lighten up. It was a good time. It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal."
"It is a big deal!"
"It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? Come on, Buffy. It's not like I've never been there before."
"Don't touch me."
"I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it."
"Angel! I love you."
"Love you, too. I'll call you."
-Buffy and Angelus
"This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom."
"I have a plan."
"Oh, no, here's a lower place."
-Cordelia and Xander
"Angel, there must be some part of you inside that still remembers who you are."
"Dream on, schoolgirl."
-Buffy and Angelus
"You must be so disappointed in me."
"No. No, no, I'm not."
"But this is all my fault."
"No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. A-and I can. I know that you loved him. And... he... has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months a-are going, are going be hard... I, I suspect on all of us, but... if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is, is my support. And my respect."
-Buffy and Giles Phases
"I mean, he said he was gonna wait until I was ready, but I'm ready. Honest. I'm good to go here."
"Well, I think it's nice that he's not just being an animal."
"It is nice. He's great. We have a lot of fun. But I want smoochies!"
"Have you dropped any hints?"
"I've dropped anvils."
"Ah, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?"
"At last count, all of them. Maybe more."
"Well, none of them know a thing. They all get an 'F' in Willow."
"But I want Oz to get an 'A', and, oh, one of those gold stars."
-Willow and Buffy, talking about Oz
"Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho."
"Meow!"
"Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before."
-Willow and Buffy
"Yes, I must admit I, I am intrigued. Werewolves, it's... it's one of the classics. I, I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon."
-Giles
"So, Oz, man, what's up with that? Dating a junior? Uh, let me guess. That little innocent schoolgirl thing is just, uh, just an act, right?"
"Yeah. Yeah, she's actually an evil mastermind. It's fun."
-Larry and Oz
"Aunt Maureen. Hey, it's me. Um, what? Oh! It's, uh... actually it's healing okay. That's pretty much the reason I called. Um, I wanted to ask you something. Is Jordy a werewolf? Uh-huh. And how long has that been going on? Uh-huh. What? No, no reason. Um... Thanks. Yeah, love to Uncle Ken."
-Oz, discovering that he is the werewolf Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
"It's time for me to act like a man. And hide."
-Xander
"I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here."
"But you're not a rat. So call it an upside."
"You think maybe you could get me some clothing?"
"Yes, I can. Just, uh... don't go anywhere."
"Really not an issue."
-Buffy and Oz
"You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is."
-Cordelia, talking to Harmony
"I have a plan: we use me as bait."
"You mean make Angel come after you?"
"No, I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at 'cause it would be more fun than my life."
"Yeah. I heard about you and Cordy. That's her loss."
"Yeah. Not really the popular theory."
-Xander and Buffy Passion
"Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?"
"This is a school library, Xander."
"Since when?"
-Xander and Giles
"Y'know, I think there may be a valuable lesson for you gals here about inviting strange men into your bedrooms."
"Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants."
"Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas."
-Xander and Cordelia,
"Uh, uh, look, it's-it's classic battle strategy to throw one's opponent off his game. He-he-he's just trying to provoke you. Uh, to taunt you, to, to goad you into, uh, some mishap of some sort."
"The nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah approach to battle?"
"Yes, Xander, once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form."
-Giles and Xander
"I-I found a ritual to revoke the invitation to vampires."
"Oh, thank goodness. I actually had to talk my grandmother into switching cars with me last night."
-Giles and Cordelia
"I'm sorry, but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying 'I told you so' long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, 'Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!'"
-Xander
Killed By Death
"Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?"
"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass."
-Cordelia and Giles
"Not to be outdone..."
"Homework!"
"It's my way of saying, 'get well soon'."
"You know, chocolate says that even better."
"I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name."
"Chocolate means nothing to me."
-Willow and Buffy
"Frogs! Frogs! Get 'em off of me! Oh, my God, frogs! Get them off of me! Please, help! Get 'em off! FROGS! Frogs! Oh, my God, horrible frogs! Get 'em..."
-Willow, pretending to be delusional so Buffy can escape I Only Have Eyes For You
"People can be coerced, Summers. I'm no stranger to conspiracy. I saw JFK. I'm a truth seeker. I've got a missing gun and two confused kids on my hands. Pieces of the puzzle. And I'm gonna look at all the pieces carefully and rationally, and I'm gonna keep looking until I know exactly how this is all your fault."
-Principal Synder
"Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet?"
"You're just a big bucket of funny, Will."
-Willow and Xander
"Oh, no, no. No. No cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.'"
"Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist."
"I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learning."
-Xander and Giles
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